From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
815 “What are these bonds of unity? Above all, charity “binds everything together in perfect harmony.”265 But the unity of the pilgrim Church is also assured by visible bonds of communion:
--profession of one faith received from the Apostles;
--common celebration of divine worship, especially of the sacraments;
--apostolic succession through the sacrament of Holy Orders, maintaining the
fraternal concord of God’s family.266 “
When I was a child, I didn’t care about the Lord’s Supper. I saw my mom partake at Joppa Church, and I knew the adults cared about it a great deal, however, to me, it was a time during the service when I had to be extra quiet. I was baptized at Joppa when I was nine, but I don’t remember taking communion there until I was an adult. I don’t remember much about communion at Covenant Presbyterian or Westminster Presbyterian either.
The first time I remember being concerned about communion was at Riverbend after my reconversion to Christ. Our preaching pastor named Kenny had taught us about the “anamnesis,” the making present of the Lord in the communion, that is, remembering Jesus in such a way that we became His body to a lost world because of our communion with each other.
I was deeply affected by this teaching.
It was during this time that I became aware that not all communities practice an “open” table. Riverbend had more than it’s share of ex-Catholics, so from time to time comments were made about the unfair, exclusionary rules concerning communion in the Catholic church. It sounded so mean and backward to put some kind of requirement onto a person in order that they might partake at the communion table. I mean, God loves us unconditionally, right?
Was there something special about the bread that made the difference?
No, that couldn’t be it. At that time I would have been talking about the bread being, well. . . bread, since I was in a denomination that believed the bread was just a symbol. The bread symbolized the love of God for me. God’s grace. I think Kenny secretly wanted the bread to be Grace instead of just symbolize Grace because he even advocated, (maybe tongue-in-cheek), that people carry communion bread around with them. For example, keep some in the car with you, and when you feel the need, pinch a little communion bread to remind you that God loves you. Maybe while you’re in traffic, I guess, and you're tempted to give in to road rage?
At the same time I had a friend at Riverbend, named Maggie, who had a Catholic background. She would occasionally, talk about mass at St. Theresa Church. She seemed surprisingly open to the Catholic way. Because of Kenny’s emphasis on grace, this was disturbing to me. (I found out later that the grace Kenny preached was actually quite cheap.) Even though I was a Catholic “wanna be,” I still saw the Catholic church as the other “side.” I didn’t want my friend to go to the other side. She seemed “normal” though, so it made me curious about mass.
I used to occasionally sneak over to St. Theresa on Saturday evenings. I’d sit in the back and just watch. I’d get angry that I couldn’t take communion. I’d try to talk myself into taking communion anyway, but I never did. I’d think, “No one would know if I went forward. I can fake it.” But I wasn’t sure what to say to the priest when I got to the front. Of course everybody says, “Amen,” but I didn’t know that at the time. I probably could have figured it out without too much trouble if I had really been more determined, but I was afraid someone would find out I wasn’t Catholic. Then, I’d be in the middle of an embarrassing scandal in front of the communion line. So instead, I just sat in the back, angry, watching, wondering what the requirements were to be Catholic. Wondering, too, how all those Catholics could stand to be. . .well. . .Catholic.
Inside the front cover of the missalette there were guidelines for the reception of communion, an explanation of the Church’s position about who was able to receive. It tried to explain why “members of those churches with whom we are not yet fully united are ordinarily not admitted to Holy Communion” and assured that Catholics were praying “that our common baptism and the action of the Holy Spirit in this Eucharist will. . . begin to dispel the sad divisions which separate us.”
At the time it seemed to me the Catholics themselves were the ones who were drawing the line of division by stressing the division, not smoothing it over. It sounded like Catholics were the gatekeepers. What was so great about their communion anyway? And what did they think Protestants did during the Lord’s Supper?
I had another Catholic friend from high school at this time. I must have told her I’d been visiting St. Theresa on Saturday’s. Maybe I told her I’d been tempted to take communion, because she said if I did, it would “offend” her. Offend her! Those were her words. Pretty strong words. Unfortunately, she was also unable to adequately explain why she’d be offended. From her point of view, and in her defense, today I don’t know if she was unable to explain, or if she was unable to make me understand. In any case, she didn’t try very hard to explain her offense. I let it drop, but still I remembered her comment, and when I went into RCIA I was determined to learn why non-Catholics taking communion in a Catholic church was “offensive.”
Of course, back then, I didn’t stop to wonder either why it bothered me so much that I couldn’t take communion at a Catholic mass. Now I look back believing that, yes, the Holy Spirit certainly did act during those celebrations of the Eucharist. That discomfort I felt was another step in my path to confirmation 15 years or so later.
It would have been easy to pretend or fake it, but I was afraid. Afraid to embarrass myself, I thought. But now I wonder if I had the beginnings of a reverential Fear of the Lord. In any case, I did not take communion as a Catholic until my confirmation at the Easter Vigil, April 7, 2007. When people ask me why I became Catholic, the short answer is, "I did my part for unity in the body of Christ," and this is, “. . .in keeping with Christ’s prayer for us ‘that they may all be one’ (John 17:21).”
Quotations taken from “Today’s Missal: Masses for Sundays and Holy Days with Daily Mass Propers ‘Guidelines for the Reception of Communion’ ”
